EMOTIONS: We'd be better off whithout them
by Exploading albino potato
Summary: After the death of Mello's boyfrined Matt, Mello is working with Near on the Kira case. Near has to deal with Mello's anger and violence as well as his own feelings for him. Near's POV. NO LEMON. cursing, blood, Murder, suicde. MxM MxN. Very depressing.
1. I don't care about anything anymore

Today I had heard of the death of Mail Jeevas. The first thing that came to mind was "I knew him." And the second thing was "poor Mello." The two were my rivals, but competing had been more of Mello's idea not mine. And Mello and Matt were always very close friends, and I believe they also loved each other, when they got older.

Apparently Matt was in a car accident, while being chased by somebody of the criminal sort. If there was crime involved than Mello would probably be questioned, and he would most likely end up in jail, because of his involvement in the mafia. Well Mello may be a criminal, and he may hate me, I think I could get him to help me with the Kira case. He has a temper and a grudge but he's not stupid. I thought maybe I could get him to come and work with me. A crazy idea yes, but I am a super-genius so I'm sure I could figure out a way to get Mello before the authorities did. (that sounds terrible wrong, I know)

A few hours later, I stood outside the door to Mello's apartment, alone. I knocked. There was no answer, so after several more attempts, including kicking the door a bit, the knob turned, and out stepped the familiar blonde.

Instead of his usual leather, Mello wore a lose cotton black shirt and pants of the same color. He was gritting his teeth and looked about ready to spew dirty curse words at the person disturbing him, but then seemed shocked to see that it was me.

"Near..." he growled. His red rimmed eyes narrowed into slits and his pupils constricted as they always did when he was getting angry.

"I'm very sorry to bother you

Mello."

"Then why do you fuck off?"

"Because...after what happened to Matt you are no doubt going to be questioned, and when the police find out who you are, you will be arrested."

"I don't care. Let them take me. I don't care about anything anymore."

"What about solving the kira case?" I inquired

"What about it. Solve it yourself." he turned and slowly walked into the cluttered apartment. I followed.

"Near? WTF. Go away!"

"You'll be going to jail."

"It doesn't matter." he picked up a half eaten bar of chocolate from the mess of papers on the coffee table and bit into it.

"You do know...there isn't any chocolate in prison." I reminded.

Mello looked up, weighing his options, contemplating his quandary. "Alright" He finally sighed I'll come with you and help solve the Kira case."


	2. May I ask you a question?

It was a day after Mello had moved into the Kira was always quiet between us, silently working on computers. Even when Mello found a lead, he usually told Rester to tell me, instead of talking to me directly.

That night though, I broke the silence and asked a question of him.

"Mello?"

The blonde glanced over.

"May I please ask a question?"

He just stared at me with blue orbs that showed no trace of hatred. Then, Mello slowly nodded.

"What's something you liked about Matt?"

The question startled him, probably the mention of the redhead's name, breaking through the tense stillness.

Mello sucked in a gasp and blinked, eyes wide.

"...Matt?"

"Yes. Forgive me for asking." I knew this would probably spark his anger. Surprisingly it didn't

He swallowed. "Well..." I waited patiently through a long pause.

"When he would always play his video games..." Mello's voice was barely a whisper. " I would come in the room and say hi...He'd look up and be kind of startled. Then he'd say "Hi Mello! all...cheerfully. I just have that memory stuck in my head...I...I don't want to talk about him." the former mafia member turned his scarred face away from me and brushed a lock of smooth golden hair behind his ear.

"I'm sorry." I murmured, twirling a piece of my own hair. I meant it.

"N-Near I'm tired...I'm going to bed..."

He turned and fled the room, but gave one confused glance over his shoulder at me.

An hour or so later I was exiting the research room when I heard screaming. It was definitely Mello.

I ran into his room, the door wasn't locked. The blonde was thrashing about in his bed and yelling like he was being chased by a pack of rabid wolves.

"Mello! Mello please wake up! I shook him, he was obviously having some terrible nightmare.

"GAH!" The black clad one shot up in his bed. He wiped sweat off his forehead. Mello was visibly shaking.

"Y-You were screaming." I stuttered.

"I...was..." he trailed off. But then growled "Get out!" GET OUT IT'S LIKE THREE IN THE FUCKING MORNING!"

"I'm sorry..."

He grabbed the lamp on the side table, then threw it at me. I ducked and ran out the door. I figured the dream had been about Matt.

As I padded down the hall to my own room I felt something odd. It felt as though something hibernating inside of me had woken up. Seeing Mello so angry and upset had aroused something that made my heart pound. It wasn't like we had ever been friends, far from it. But when he was so distraught over Matt made me realize that he wasn't as angry and full of hatred as most would think. I thought that I might actually care for him, I mean I certainly didn't hate Mello. I quickly brushed that notion aside, realizing it was most probably lack of sleep making my mind behave this way.

The following morning, Mello was quiet, emotionlessly sipping coffee and biting his favorite entree: chocolate.

The day passed like normal, deducing clues about Kira, while thick layer of awkward tension hung in the air. Around the same time of night we were alone. I decided to repeat what I had done before, even though I knew I shouldn't temp my hidden emotions I failed at supressing.

"Mello?"

"Yes?"

"What is another thing you liked about Matt?"

"Why...why do you want to know?"

"I'm just trying to understand you, that's all."

"Well...Matt..." he winced at his own saying of Mail Jeevas's alias. "Always wore his goggles...no matter what. Even when people at whammy's house teased him...And then I ran away for several years...and when I came back he still had them.

I made no reply. For the next few nights after that, he gave me reasons why he liked Matt so much. Here they are.

1. He would always say hello in the same cheerful way to Mello.

2. He always wore goggles, no matter what.

3. He would always go along with any of Mello's idea's "because I'm your friend."

4. He was just talented with computers and a huge help with research

5. He didn't care that Mello yelled at him to go get chocolate, he did it anyways.

On the sixth night I asked Mello the same question

"Whats something that you liked about Matt?"

This time Mello paused for a while before answering.

"Matt...he always forgave me." Mello's eyes were full of sadness "When I ran away for years...I came back as he didn't say "What the heck go away." or anything like that. He forgave me for leaving him. And kept forgiving me when I yelled and hit him..." Mello's voice caught. His eyes filled with tears. The former mafia boss fought to hold onto his fragil composure.

"I'm forgiving you too you know."

Biting his lip, Mello stared at me.

"Yeah..." He nodded slowly and then got up.

I had the urge to questionMello further, but he started down the hall walking, but then I heard a sob and he ran faster, away from me.

Later as I walked past his room I heard crying/shirking. I opened the door and saw Mello attacking something. That somthing just so happened to be...the wall.

"Mello!" I exclaimed.

"Get out!" he screamed.

I figured Mello was sleep walking. Or sleep attacking. Or somthing of the like because his eyes were closed and he stumbled around cumbersomly.

Walked over next to him and put a hand on his arm. It was immediately slapped away.

"Mello...".

"GET OUT!" The half asleep blonde thrashed and kicked at me, but fell over.

"Stop!"

"I'M SORRY!" he shouted

"IT's NOT MY FAULT...Well it is but...I'M SORRY." I could tell the emotional boy was talking to sombody in a dream, not me.

"Please...wake up!" I begged and shook him.

"GO AWAY!" he was speaking to me again "LEAVE US ALONE!"

"WAKE UP MELLO!" I shook him again and this time his eyes flew open.

"Ahh...Mail..." he muttered. Then Mello realized it was me and said "Wha- GET OUT!"

"You were screaming again."

"Sorry...". His head bowed. I could tell he was aware of the intensity of his emotions, but he was ashamed of them. He climbed into his bed whiteout annother word and I exited the room.


	3. Compleate me

I found Mello sitting at a computer in the research room. He chewed on a bagel spread with nutella and turned to me.

As we clicked away on the keyboards and discussed evidence without making any eye contact I was shocked to find that I felt the same feeling I had last night. My stomach twisted and I stacked up a tower of dice next to the monitor because it helped me calm myself and focus.

The hours passed. Cube. By. Cube. Slowly but surely building into something. Just like the case. I reached for the last die to my tower. The black one.

Then the door opened. I jumped and dropped the black cube where it clattered on the floor. I glanced at my dice tower, thankful it hadn't knocked over.

It was just Mello. He had excused himself to go to the bathroom, but I had been focused on the finishing of my tower, (even though i should have been analyzing the data) and hadn't noticed him reenter the room.

He looked at me for a moment, the slowly strode over to where I was sitting. He bent over to retrieve the black die I had dropped and picked it up. Then Mello placed it on top of the tower. Without a word, the blonde went back over to his swivel chair, and sat down.

That was when I realized how much I needed Mihael to complete me. And I can't say I was pleased with the discovery that I really did have feelings for him. I didn't need romance to interfere with my strictly undistracted mind. I didn't want to need someone.

After the task force had gone to bed, I spun around in my chair to face Mello.

"Mello?"

He turned.

"Yeah Near?"

I paused for a second. He had said my name. Not my real one of coarse but Mello early ever addressed me, if he wanted to talk he just said "hey".

"I...I'd like to know more about how Matt died."

"Well..." he said to his leather boots. "There...was this guy that the mafia borrowed some money from...a sketchy guy. So we didn't exactly pay him back...and then we got into some trouble with the police for killing some random guy...and things got complicated and we were conveniently able to frame that same guy, so we didn't have to pay... and he went to prison...then I guess later he escaped and he found out where I was and who...Matt was...I'm not really sure of the details of what happened because I wasn't there...but apparently there was some sort of car chase and I assume that the guy wanted to interrogate Matt or something...but there was a crash and Matt ended up...dead. His voice cracked on the last word. He clenched his fists.

"Why do you like asking me these things?" The blonde whispered. His voice shook but I could tell he was seething.

"I told you...I just want to understand you." I responded nervously.

"No...That's not it..." Mihael raised his head


	4. You just like seeing me like this

"What do you mean?"

I was facing Mello, he was glaring at me through tear filled ice blue eyes.

"You just like seeing me like this you fucking sadist."

"I...What?" I was confused. "I am a sadist?"

"You keep mentioning Matt. You know I loved him." his shaking voice had venom to it.

"Well...I won't deny the thought of some kind of romance...did cross my mind..." I struggled to retain my usual monotone.

"...You...and that stupid monotonous voice!" Mello spat. "Your just rubbing it in my face that I have emotions. Unlike you."

I stated at him blankly.

"I envy you. You don't have feelings. I wish I didn't! Now I see why you were number one. If I was like you, I wouldn't get so upset at stupid stuff like death. Like Matt's death. IF FACT I WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN LIKED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE"

Mello clenched his jaw as the first tear escaped

The shaking blonde's eye.

"No Mello...I have emotions! I do! You can tell because...I care about you...I understand your upset over Matt..."

"NO YOU DON'T!" he shirked in high pitched cry. He'd stood up now and to most, would not look very intimidating. Mello was still shaking, and clenching his teeth. He was making suppressed sobbing noises and tears streaked his face. But I knew him. And when Mello gets upset he's...not mellow.

"I HATE YOU, YOU EMOTIONLESS ALBINO SHEEP FREAK! YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND LOVE!"

He picked up his swival chair and hurled it at me. As the metal made contact with my stomach and chest I gagged and toppled over on my back.

"St-stop it Meh-Mello." I stuttered, for the wind had been knocked out of me. I shimmied out from benieth the seat and saw Mello panting and standing above me.

I suddenly felt bad for him. How awful it must be to feel that one has to destroy and harm to say what they feel.

"I hate you. You hate me. We were never meant to work together."

"Stop telling me I hate you. And PLEASE refrain from saying I lack feelings." My monotone was gone, replaced with a voice full of emotion.

Mello picked up the chair and placed it by the computer.

"Please realize I do care for you."

" I..." Mello started. He dropped to his knees on the floor and scooted over to me . He sat cross-legged on the cool white floor with his scarred face in his hands, muttering apologies.

"Why did you do that?" I asked calmly

"Chuck that chair at you? Pissed, I guess." He sniffed

"You...don't really believe i am truly emotionless do you?"

There was a pause.

"N-no..."

"Thank you."

"But...I-I WILL...!" Mihael was suddenly shouting again. "I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF!"

He jerked up. I was shocked hear his sudden outburst.

Then I finally lost my temper.

"MIHAEL KEEHL! THERE IS NO WAY I AM GOING TO LET YOU COMMIT SUICIDE!"

He suddenly had a gun in his hand. I remembered he kept it in his pants.

"And guess what?" The blonde whispered in a deathly wisper

I gazed into his eyes, for a few seconds of silence

"I'll take you down with me."

Mello grabbed the collar of my white shirt and dragged me over to him, clutching me tightly to his chest. The first thing I thought of was the feeling of being so close to him. So wrong and twistedly beautiful. I was breathing hard as I rested my head on his shoulder. A few strands of the straw colored hair tickled my cheek. Then I remembered Mello was going to kill me.


	5. I want you to know I don't hate you

The gun pressed against my back but seconds past and I never felt the bullet break through my flesh. Instead, I heard the clatter of metal against tile.

"I can't do it." I heard Mello whisper. "I can't."

His arms released there grasp from my person, but I stayed there pressed up against him. Now the feeling that I had some time ago was overpowering.

It scared me.

The amount of emotion that I was enough to make me feel physically sick. Dizzy and suffocating. It was awful and my human instincts reacted crazily.

I wrapped my own arms around Mello and looked up. I forgot get his exact expression because what happened happened too fast. I kissed him on the lips.

I hadn't ever kissed someone before. I didn't think I ever would. If somobody had come up to whammy's house and told me I would kiss Mello in a few years, I would have called the insane asylum that beyond birthday went to.

You might think I am going to say I had no idea why I did it. But when my thoughts collected I found that I had desperately wanted Mello to know I didn't hate him...well, loved him. I wanted him to feel there was a reason to live.

Mello didn't kiss back; he didn't really have time to because I soon broke away, shocked at my own audacity. That was the most obnoxious, daring thing I had ever done.

Mello just stared into my eyes with an unwavering gaze.

"Mihael..." I said cautiously. "I...think I...love you.


	6. How could you love me?

Mello pulled away from me and Stared. Then dropped his gaze to the floor and whispered: "how?"

"How what?" I asked

"How...could somebody like you love me? I'm an awful horrible person! I tried to kill you!" he sobbed.

"Well...maybe...it's because you complete me."

"You...really just mean we have absolutely nothing in common."

"We both want to catch Kira. We both grew up at Whammy's."

"I guess...but goddamn it I scream and throw chairs as have killed people and hurt people and kidnapped people! I'm completely evil!"

"Not completely. You cared for Matt didn't you?"

"Yeah..." Mello looked up at me. "But it was my involvement in the fucking mafia that got him killed!"

"Well I can tell you're sorry." I didn't think he was completely evil. Not at all...just very angry and violent. And extremely determined.

"Yes...and I'm sorry I tried to shoot you..."

Then the blonde grabbed me

And hugged me. Kind of roughly but he wasn't trying to hurt me.

"D-does this m-mean that...you have feelings for m-me..." To my annoyance I stumbled over my own words as I hugged him back.

"...yes..." he whispered softly in my ear.


	7. This chapter is EXTREAMLY IRRELIVANT

Ok...so this chapter is really irrelevant it's basically a filler...but I wanted to do something cute and fanservicy before Mello and Near di...Uhhhh never mind *grin*

I heard nothing but the clicking of the keyboards. It had been a weak since Mello's suicide attempt and he seemed a lot happier. I was too, because now that he loved me, he hurt me and yelled at me less.

I stared at the computer screen while twirling my white hair with one hand and stacking dice with the other.

"Hey Near?"

I turned to Mello.

"Mello, why are you looking at desert recipes on your computer?"

"Oh...I dunno...I was just wondering if...you wanted to make a cake."

"Umm...cake?"

"Yeah..." the blonde grinned.

"Why?"

"Just for fun I guess...you know to do something together...Matt and I did stuff a lot..." He picked at the black nail polish on his fingers.

"Umm...sure..."

The kitchen was spotlessly immaculate. Sadly, it wouldn't be for long...

1 hour later..."Umm...Mello?"

"Yeah?" he replied, licking chocolate off of a spoon.

"How did butter get on the ceiling, again?" I inquired, confused

"Well remember you dropped the egg which I slipped on, and I was holding the measuring cup of butter and my hand jerked up and the butter flew out of the cup...oh hey I just noticed you have cocoa powder in your hair!"

Mello laughed and ruffled my hair, dusting the powder out of it."

"And I noticed..." I giggled. "more of the chocolate chips ended up in your stomach, than in the batter!"

"Is that even edible?" Mello pointed at the bowl of the mixture of flour, sugar, cocoa powder, chocolate, and eggs.

"I am uncertain of that..." I eyed the sticky mixture, twirling a pice of my hair. "but theres only one way to find out..."

We were back in the research room while the cake was baking...and then I smelled smoke..

"Mello..."

"Huh?" he looked over.

"I believe our desert has caused a fire." I said this in the monotone I was used to.


	8. Theres a part of me that still hates you

Once again, Mello and I were alone in the research room. I was making deductions about Mikami and using my finger puppets. I'd almost forgot Mello was there. Until I realized he had fallen asleep next to me.

His head rested on his arms, on the table. The blonde looked almost, no definitely angelic, with a few strands of his golden hair falling across his face, his steady constant breathing, placid expression.

I then indulged myself in gently stroking his hair, and discovered I greatly enjoyed the smooth texture. But then Mello started sleep-talking.

"I...I'm sorry...please forgive me! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! I really loved you!"

He was sorry...?

"No I-I mean love not loved I swear I am sorry...I'm sorry M...

I gently shook Mihael and his ice blue eyes shot open.

"Matt? He gasped. Oh...Near..."

Mello picked his head up off the tabletop surface and turned away in the swivel chair. He moved the mouse to get the computer out of screensaver mode, it had fallen asleep when he did.

"You should go to bed." I suggested.

"I'm fine." Mello grunted. Keeping his eyes averted to the computer screen.

"You had a dream that disturbed you didn't it?"

"My dreams don't disturb me."

"Yes they do."

"You know I hate you, right?"

I sighed.

He yawned.

"Yes I think you should go to bed."

"I don't feel like *yawn* sleeping..."

"You mean you don't feel like dreaming."

"I told you already, my dreams don't disturb me."

"Come on Mello...I'm going to bed too.'You'll be lonely if you stay up here all alone.

Later when I was sleeping I heard crashing about from down the hall. You can probably guess who it was

I slipped out from under the white sheets and opened the door to find out what was going on with Mello.

He was sleep attacking again. Mello punched and kicked at the walls and occasionally yelled curse. His eyes were open this time, but he was asleep.

(I got inspired from a book that has a girl that sleepwalks with her eyes open. It's called this dark endeavor, I forget who it's by.)

"I hate...I hate you! I hate Near! I will kill you! I will get you!" I hate you Nate!

"Oh no Mello!" I exclaimed and tried to wake him by shaking.

"Get away from me!" he swatted at me.

I resorted to just slapping him and the blonde awoke, startled.

"Oh...where...am I?" he glanced around and his eyes fell upon me.

"Gah! Near!" Mello exclaimed and jumped backwards.

"Mello...you said you hated me."

"I...oh no...Near..." Mello blinked back tears.

"Come on."

The black clad blonde allowed me to lead him to my room, which resembled the quarters in an insane asylum, minus the restraints of coarse.

We sat down on the white sheets of my bed Mello looked nervous and slightly confused.

"You said you hate me...in your sleep..." I started awkwardly.

"Near...I-I'm sorry..."

I touched his arm with my hand, but he swatted it away.

"Don't touch me!" Mihael sounded more fearful than angry.

"What were you dreaming about?"

"You...don't want to know..."

"Mello, if I didn't want to know I wouldn't be asking."

"Fine." Mello pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them." I dreamt I was dead. I was in a dark black place with dark black trees. Then...Matt came out if the shadows and said...he hated me because I love you...and...Never mind..."

"What is it Mihael?" I scooted over to him to give Mello a hug. Which, this time was returned.

"I'm...afraid...I've loathed you for so long I'm afraid it's permanent...that there is a small part of me that still hates you..."

But even as he said so, Mello pressed his lips to mine. His eyes closed, so did mine. He was warm, we were so close together.

I felt the blonde's tongue push against my lips. I accepted this and felt around his mouth with my own tongue. There were vague tastes of chocolate. I soon realize I would need air soon, and was about to pull away when I felt and unexpected sharpness puncture my lip.

He'd bit me. The only other time Mello had bit me was when he was five and he got mad at me for something, I forget what and had chewed my arm and left a mark. But now, fifteen years later, he bit my lip so hard I felt blood run down my chin in a thick stream.

Naturally I shoved him away, which only made the cuts in my lower lip deeper. I fell on the bedspread panting and stared up at Mello, who had blood around his mouth as well.

"You...you bit me! Why did you do that?"

He wasn't surprised or shocked or anything. Mello was oddly calm. I wondered if he'd bit Matt before.

His tongue that had been in my mouth a minute before licked his lips, drinking the fresh blood he'd drawn from me, like a vampire. Then he moved onto my mouth and lapped the red liquid from my chin.

"I told you Nate. I told you there was still some hatred for you in me."

Was that creeeeepy? Plz review!


	9. I hated to cry

Mello didn't try the vampire thing again, I was glad for that and we were getting along fairly well for the next few days. We had grown rather close, and the blonde kept having nightmares though, so he started sleeping in my bed. I found it kind of cute when I would suddenly feel my hand being gripped by his in the middle of the night. But then came that night.

That night was the worst night of my life.

I heard a crash from outside Mello's and my bedroom. Somebody like Rester or Halle could have just dropped something, but it was terribly late at night. Mello jumped up and grabbed his gun out of it's usual place (yes he even sleeps with it). He ran out the door and I followed.

There was a nondescript man I had not seen before, wearing a leather jacket and jeans and pointing a gun at us. Mello held out his weapon. He had shot down several doors and that's what had made the crashing noise

"I've found you! He grinned, exposing (from what I could see by the dim light) yellow teeth.

"Oh shit..." muttered Mello.

The man fired his gun but Mello was already running. I ran after my boyfriend (that's sounds so weird to say because I have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend before).

"Don't follow!" Mello shouted.

"I'll shoot him too!" Yellow-teeth sneered.

"Don't do that." Surprisingly, Mello wore a cocky grin. "I wouldn't want to have to clean up all that!"

I could tell it was an act; Mello was trying to give yellow-teeth the impression that he didn't give a shit about me so he wouldn't be motivated to shoot me, just to see Mello's reaction.

I was watching outside the door to one of the research rooms as computers exploded in glass shards, and they jumped around on the chairs.

Mello took a bullet to the arm, but Yellow-teeth was shot in the leg. Then yellow-teeth raised his gun and pointed it at Mello's chest, and shot.

The blonde clutched onto his chest but manages to shoot again, and got the man in the head. Yellow-teeth fell over and his eyes closed.

I ran inside and saw Mello on the ground, breathing hard.

"Oh...Mello!" I knelt down by him.

He tried to sit up. I helped him and wrapped my arms around his slender waist coughing up blood all over my pure white clothing.

It was a bit disgusting but I didn't care.

"N-near...I'm glad your ok..." Mello smiled sadly.

His smile...it wasn't his usual sneer or a sadistic grin or anything like that. It showed he really cared for me.

It broke my heart. I thought my heart was ice. Hard, frozen. But brittle. And it didn't just break, it shattered. And often when ice shatters like that little droplets if water fly everywhere.

Those droplets...yes they were the tears that came as I started to cry. For most people, when your boyfriend or any loved one is dying in your lap in a pool if blood, crying is natural. But I am Nate River.

I hated crying. I discovered that the first time Mello beat me up when I was four. I hated the uncontrollable salty drops that splashed out of my eyes, the involuntary shaking noises your throat made. I hated not being able to contain my emotions.

But so I decided I wouldn't cry anymore. But today, I couldn't help it.

I hugged Mello to me tightly, which caused him to make sounds of pain because of his bullet wounds.

"S-sorry! I hurt you..."

Mello shook his head. "It doesn't matter...I'm dying anyways."

He was crying too, though not nearly as hard as I was.

"I...would have liked to spend more time with you..." the dying blonde mumbled.

"I-I love you...M-Mello...Mihael..." I figured this would be the last time I said those words. I caressed him and kissed him, until Mello's body finally went limp and his ice blue eyes closed for the last time.

I closed my eyes too, and whispered "You...were my first and last love..."

When I opened them, my eyes fell on Mello's gun on the floor.


	10. The end

The sickening thought crept into my mind.

I could just shoot myself. It was so tempting. I crawled over from Mello's corpse...ugh. Calling him a corpse sounds so wrong. I picked up the weapon, and touched the cold metal to my cheek. Slowly, slowly I moved the gun from the side of my face to my temple, I closed my eyes again.

I was going to pull the trigger but I dropped what I was holding and the gun clattered to floor.

I realizes I was the last one left to solve the Kira case. L was dead. A and BB were long dead. Matt had died and Mello's corpse was lying in a pool of blood a few feet away from me. I had to solve the case. For L. For Mello.

Eventually I did. I sat in the yellow-box warehouse with the murder notebook under my shirt. I watch Raito Yagami get shot to death by Matauda and I wrote Teru Mikami's ass in the death note. Pardon my language, I think Mello's foul speech has rubbed off on me.

And then I simply went home. Or to the Kira HQ. Kira was dead. Gone. Then a few hours later I heard of the second Kira's suicide. She jumped off a bridge. That started strirring up my emotions...Oh theese damn emotions. I thought I didn't have any...No I knew I had emotions i just pretended I didn't. Emotions...We'd be better off whithout them is what I always used to think. But Mello changed that. I knew I never should have loved him but I did. L would be so ashamed of me .

But I had done it. I had solved the case. I should be happy. If L was watching me that should make him happy.

Mello's gun was in my dresser drawer. I knew I should have gotten rid of it but I didn't. The logical part of me was screaming not to do it. But I had served my purpose in this world, now I was no longer needed and would not be missed by anyone.

I took my puppets off the top of my dresser and picked up the Kira one. I hurled it out the window. Then I kissed the Mello puppet and put him next to the doll of myself, along with Matt and L.

I picked up the gun and held it to my temple. My eyes stung, but I closed them. I pulled the trigger and shot myself in the heat, because my heart already hurt enough.

REVIEW! Or Near and Mello and Matt and L's ghosties will HAUNT YOU!


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